Brad is having a hard time dealing with his aunt’s death. From nightmares to panic attacks, Brad is trying hard to keep it together. His girlfriend suggests keeping a diary and reading the Bible to help him and he is surprised at how it helps. Brad needs to turn to somebody. Is he able to turn to God and forget his grief? This unique book includes scripture and also lets you write in the diary as you read Brad’s story.

Excerpt:

Chapter One

“Remember Ye Not Former Things”

“Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:18-19 KJV

April 12, 2020

I know the verse is saying not to look back but for you to fully understand my story, I have to. My name is Brad Swafford and I have to go back, way back to the beginning. I was born in…..Oh, wait, not that far back. Just far enough back you can see where my grief all started.

See, I was really close to my aunt, Kendall Whitman. Even though her husband was my mom’s brother, I was closer to her than my uncle. I always thought Caleb was kind of a grouch. He had been in and out of rehab and sober for a whole five years and we were so proud of him. That is how he met Kendall. No, Kendall was not in rehab. I don’t even think she has ever touched the stuff but her cousin was in rehab and she would visit him all the time and well, my uncle and Kendall fell in love. She made it clear if he ever drunk though she was out of the picture. They started seeing each other and eventually got married. And a year later, after that, Kendall was going to have a baby! We were all excited about Kendall having a baby! I was going to be an uncle and I couldn’t wait. I really wanted her to have a boy but when she got the ultrasound, we knew it was a baby girl.

My life was going great. I tried out for the basketball team and made it! Not only that, I seemed to be the star. And my friend Jared Williams said Molly’s friend Janey liked me and she was really cute. She had these dimples that actually made me melt.

But then, my world fell apart. Kendall Whitman had been in my life since I was eight years old. She taught me how to play guitar, she had been to every school event I had, cheered at every game of Little League. But she went into premature labor with her pregnancy and they weren’t able to save her. And the baby was hanging on for dear life due to under developed lungs.

I never seen Caleb look so hollow. He filled out the birth certificate and put Kendall Jade Whitman. Jade is the name they had picked out, I knew. But he said he had to name his daughter after her mom. And then, he just left. Well, my parents tried to stop him from leaving the hospital with questions like where are you going, and saying, don’t go, you are in no condition to drive. Being that he was upset but what he did next is unthinkable. He went to a bar! And I don’t know how many drinks he had till it was too late. He had left the bar and plowed into Janey’s mom’s van. Of course, we did not know that till the next day when he called us collect from jail. That’s been about seven months ago. Kendall Jade Whitman is doing much better and Caleb and she are staying with us. He has kept his word and not had a drink but I am scared it will happen again. What if this time little Kendall is in the car? I don’t think I can lose someone that close to me again. I can’t, it hurts too bad. Little Kendall took after her mom so much. I could not lose her, again. I felt a dull ache in my heart. Lately, I have been having nightmares about the accident and I wasn’t even there. I wonder if it somehow got triggered by Caleb recently getting out of jail. I love Caleb but sometimes I still can’t believe the things he does.

Janey suggested reading the Bible and keeping a journal to help me cope. She said it really helped her. Oh, Janey and I have been dating for awhile. I thought we were over before we began the day she found out Caleb was my uncle but she understood and we have been going strong. Janey is not even mad at my uncle but man, I think she was at first. You could see the anger build up in those blue eyes of hers. But Janey has seemed to be better. So I am guessing this diary thing of hers is really therapeutic. She insists the main thing that really helped her was reading the Bible. So I have the Bible Kendall gave me, a brand new spiral notebook, and these cool new gel pens. So, here, I am getting started. I thought I would have a hard time getting started but the pen just seems to flow onto the paper.

Kendall had taught me all about Jesus. I did not grow up in church but Kendall took me to tons of church services and at one, I did ask Jesus into my heart. Kendall always invited my parents but they never did go and neither did Caleb so for years, it was just Kendall and me. But she was gone. I did not know how I felt about this. Anger? How did God let this happen? But I didn’t want to be mad at God. I wanted Jesus to take care of Kendall in heaven. I knew that is where she was beyond a doubt. But because she was my ride to church, I hadn’t been going. Janey has invited me to go with her. But I just can’t bring myself to go. But I haven’t given up on God. I have been praying every day. So even though this was Easter Sunday, I was staying at home. I did thank Jesus for dying on the cross for me, though. I had slacked on reading the Bible so I felt shame. Maybe the Bible could help me figure out my feelings.

But I knew what I was feeling; it was grief and sadness. I just did not know how to deal with this. Once, my parents took me to see a counselor. Now, I know Janey saw one and it worked out fine. It didn’t really work out fine for me. The counselor basically told me I just needed to get over myself in so many words. Said that I should be over Kendall’s death by now.

But I know I am not. And at night, it’s the worse, nightmares about that night and I wake up in sweats and I can’t breathe. It lasts a good fifteen minutes to where I can calm down. So now, you know about my panic attacks. My mom works third shift at the hospital so fortunately, she has not noticed and Dad doesn’t wake up till noon when he is home. Caleb is in his own little world and doesn’t say much to me. I ride the bus to school. So no one else knows about them. Well, God knows everything. So He knows. I debated on telling Janey but she still has to take physical therapy and so I didn’t want to be a burden to her or anyone. I can talk to God I decided and I started praying. This is my morning ritual. I sat my alarm for six o’clock to be sure to have enough time in case I do have those dreaded panic attacks and calm myself down by talking to God. Fortunately, it has not happened at school. It just happens in the morning, no big deal. But yet it scares me but talking to God helps. It scares me something fierce. Does that mean something is wrong with me? Am I broken in some way? See, normally, I went to Kendall about everything. My mom is a nurse so not much time for me and my dad is on the road a lot being a truck driver so see I am quite lonely at times. Kendall never made me feel alone. She was great. But keyword was…would I ever get by in my life without her? If you are feeling alone and that you have no one to talk to, Remember God is there for you. He loves you and wants to talk to you. Just simply talk to Him. It doesn’t have to be a complicated prayer. I have always talked to God as if I talked to anyone but the best part about that is, He is never too busy to listen to us.

Date:

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Beyond Grief, God’s Relief: A Daiary Devotional

Book 2

Release Date: May 27, 2020

Number of Pages: 174

Self-Publish through Amazon KDP

Language: English

ISBN-13:  979-8614709792